Does your partner do any of the following?
+ Play mind games
+ Makes you feel guilty
+ Blames you for his/her anger
+ Has extreme mood swings
+ Denies the existence of the relationship to you or your community
Humiliation / Lack of Respect
+ Insults you, criticizes you, calls you names
+ Belittles what you say and how you look
+ Puts you down in public
+ Ignores you
+ Is consistently unavailable when you want to do something special
+ Isolates you from friends and family
+ Discourages you from being involved in gay/lesbian/transgendered community
+ Acts very possessively, gets jealous if you talk to other men/women or go out with friends without him/her
+ Tells you waht to wear, how to act in public
+ Over+solicitous: always at your side, goes out of his/her way to meet you before, after and between your classes, job, etc.
+ Imposes being closeted/or being out
+ Threatens you (to hurt you, to leave you or to harm himself/herself if you leave him/her)
+ Threatens to reveal your gender or sexual identity to family, friends or employers
+ Threatens to disclose HIV status
+ Scares you "for a laugh" e.g.: drives recklessly
+ Frightens you with intimidating looks or gestures
+ Is very demanding of your time even when you are busy
+ Uses violence when angry, either towards you or objects near you
Violates your Boundaries
+ Reads your diary, e+mail or letters to others without your permission
+ Pressures you for sex when you are unwilling
+ Does not stop "teasing" you when you ask him/her to
Other Signs of Lack of Respect
+ Abuses alcohol or drugs and uses it as an excuse for his/her behaviour
+ Has a history of troubled relationships
+ Is violent towards others, gets into fights
+ Cheats on you, breaks your trust
+ Encourages shame about sexual or gender identity
Questions You May Want to Ask Yourself
+ Do you notice that you have made sacrifices to be in this relationship? Such as: given up friends, activities, interests, ambitions you once had?
+ Do you find yourself feeling more insecure than you used to?
+ Do you find yourself thinking: "I'm so lucky to have her, I can't imagine what I would do without her" or "He's going through a rough patch. He's only like this when he drinks, (or when he is under stress)".
Do You Find Yourself...
+ Apologising a lot for your behaviour?
+ Rehearsing what you will say to her/him
+ Trying to predict your partner's mood and how you can make things better
+ Always making excuses for her/his behaviour
+ Blaming yourself: "if only I hadn't bugged her, she wouldn't have gotten mad etc."
+ Aware what someone around you has expressed concern about your relationship?