This is to inform you that upon assuming the headship I discovered certain technical flaws in the employment contracts between psychology faculty and the university. Although this is a serious problem, in that, strictly speaking, none of you have jobs, there is also some good news.
You are cordially invited to reapply for your positions. A council has been appointed from members of the Quebec wing of the National Governing Party to vet the applications. Members of the panel have been selected because of their special expertise in the interpretation of contracts.
Please note that the distribution of duties in the new contracts has been changed. The apportionment of duties is now 60% administration, 60% teaching, and 20% research. The reapportionment was required in order to avoid an even larger reduction in the salaries associated with the new positions.
QUFA regulations require that a level playing field be established to ensure equity. Because the present incumbent of a particular position might be perceived as having an advantage in the competition, please write your application in a manner that does not identify you as ever having worked at Queen’s. It is recognized that this might cause problems for more senior faculty who will have lengthy gaps in their CVs for which they will need to account. This should, however, be recognized as a challenge to be met with creativity and pluck, as opposed to a fatal liability.
Because Queen’s values diversity, special consideration will be given to individuals who have talents and views that are not represented in the present department. If, for example, you can juggle or are a member of the flat-earth society, be sure to bring these matters to the attention of the selection committee.
I wish you every success in applying for a new position, although I cannot promise anything, because, as you know, Queen’s keeps setting the bar higher.