SGS Blog

hi all – Meredith here.

Well, that’s it. We’re done. I’m through. And I’ve got a degree to prove it.

Yesterday, yours truly strode across the stage at convocation and officially earned my Master’s degree in Cultural Studies.

Our convocation session was relatively early (10am) — which meant we had to be at Kingston Hall to collect our gowns by 9am. Once we had donned them (and checked away our coats), we had to convene in a lecture hall where they lined us up in alphabetical number (we had each been assigned a number). I could tell a few faces in the crowd were nervous, but generally, the tone was celebratory and fun.

My mom and step-father, who had come in from out of town for the occasion, proceeded to Grant Hall where they were able to claim spectacular nearly-front-row seats for the ceremony.

We trundled into the hall two-by-two, clad in our black robes and with our degree-appropriate hoods draped over our arms. After the singing of God Save the Queen (I have to admit, that part rather surprised me!), we listened to Principal Woolf’s opening remarks.

The honourary degree recipient for our session was Janina Fialkowska, a well-regarded concert pianist who spoke eloquently and honestly about her own experience finding meaning and purpose in her work. I appreciated her honesty (she began, for example, but admitting that success has a lot to do with luck and perseverance, as much as anything else) and her casual, slightly self-depricating delivery.

After that, it was our turn to take to the stage — first the PhDs, then the Master’s students, and then a handful of people who had just earned their Bachelor’s degrees. I enjoyed watching each person have his or her moment on stage — from hearing their name called allowed, to standing awkwardly facing the audience, waiting for their hood to be dropped down over their head.

I also particularly enjoyed the fabulous parade of shoes.

Once my name was called, I felt like it all went rather quickly: stop for the hood-draping, shake hands with the Chancellor (I also shook hands with the Rector, seeing as I had been his teaching assistant a couple of years ago), and then carry on down the steps, stopping for an Alumni pin on the way. Done and done. Then sit back down on your seat, fully and completely graduated.

All in all, it was a very pleasant ceremony. Queen’s prides itself on its rich history, and that’s palpable at these kind of events. I suspect this convocation ceremony was not unlike many convocation ceremonies that have gone before it — and in that, there is a sort of comfort. In taking part, we become part of that history and tradition, too.

And now, it’s time for me to sign off. Now that I’m no longer a student, I’ll be far less qualified to write to you about life in Graduate School — but know that I’ll miss this little writing ritual. I’ve enjoyed sharing my ups and downs, triumphs and defeats, moments of confidence and periods of doubt with you.

These last couple of years have been quite a ride: I arrived in the fall of 2009 feeling baffled and uncertain about what was going to happen next.  I’ve learned an awful lot and am proud of myself for persevering and for earning the degree (because as anyone who knows me will tell you, there were certainly moments when it seemed impossible!).

To those of you still working your way along the path to your degree – keep going! I’ll tell you from here that convocation will feel extra-sweet when you get there.

It’s been an absolute pleasure writing for you.

Until our paths cross again,

Meredith

The first ever graduating class in Cultural Studies!

hi all – Meredith here.

Sorry for not writing sooner. I have been meaning to write for a couple of days, but again.. the 9-5 life is sucking me dry! As regular readers will know, I’m back working at CBC Radio again, and that means long, intense days writing scripts and generally working behind the scenes of a radio show.

Because I bike to work every morning (the biking here is great – my route takes me along the Rideau River and the Canal!), I have to be on-the-road by 8:30am. So by the time I wake up and get dressed, make my lunch and check my email, I don’t usually have time for much else (though I am making time to write this morning!).

The days are intense and barely afford me time to go for a walk around the block, let alone catch up on email. Yesterday I lined up a panel discussion and two interviews for the morning show (I wrote them yesterday and they happened this morning on the show).

It’s interesting having to write to a short, tight deadline after two years of grad school’s long, extended, loose deadline. Towards the end of the day yesterday I was sitting in front of my computer at a complete loss for words. I had to write an introduction and a script for an interview and I was drawing a COMPLETE blank. I swear – I sat before the screen and couldn’t make the words come together in a neat, catchy little package.

If I had been writing to my own deadline, I would have said to myself “self, why don’t you take a break/go for a walk/get a snack/check your email/do it tomorrow.”

Because the interview was going to air early the next morning, I knew I had to get it done before I left for the day. THERE WAS NO OTHER OPTION. So (I wish I could have harnessed this more when I was in school), I just had to keep going.

I wrote a few words, then deleted them. Then I wrote a few more, looked at them for a few minutes, and then moved them around. I am pleased to report that once I had a few words down on the screen, things started flowing more smoothly. Clearly, it was just another reminder that STARTING is the best way to get going if you’re feeling stuck.

I’m off to work for yet another day — and then tonight I am heading to the symphony with a friend I know from when I worked at the CBC in Halifax. Busy days! I am looking forward to being back in Kingston next week for convocation.

Talk to you again soon!

hi all – Meredith here.

I made it to the weekend! I just worked my first three days at the CBC. This week I worked as an associate producer on the afternoon show at CBC Radio here in Ottawa. It’s work I have done in the past – I used to do the same kind of gig when I lived in Halifax more than two years ago.

The job essentially consists of doing a lot of the leg work to make sure there is content for the show. That includes everything from chasing down stories and finding suitable guests, to writing the interview questions for the host, along with the intro and extros that the host reads on the air.

It’s fun work — stressful at times (especially when you are trying to get a script written to deadline!), but interesting too. You never know what you’re going to be covering. This week I talked to everyone from opera singers and electronic musicians (including the renowned DJ Spooky), to psychoanalysts and artists.

But I have to say, working from nine to five every day sure is a change from being a grad student! I’m mostly amazed to find how the days have been zipping past. I am more behind with my email than ever (since the day keeps me too busy to attend to it while I’m working), and am finding that all I can manage at the end of the day is to pick up a few groceries, make dinner, and ready myself for the next day. I can see why people with day jobs cherish their weekends so much!

The fact that I am a Queen’s grad has come up more than a few times at my new gig. At a story meeting the other morning, someone mentioned that they had heard a rumour that Don Cherry was being given an honorary doctorate from Queen’s. Don Cherry? Everyone looked at me, and I shrugged my shoulders (an email to an acquaintance in the Queen’s Communications department quickly had me feeling less embarrassed — he’s being given the honour by another of Kingston’s academic institutions: Royal Military College. I quickly set everyone straight.

I’m staying in Ottawa this weekend in a bid to familiarize myself with the city a little bit. Like I said in my last post, I’ll be back-and-forth to Kingston for the next few weeks. Figured I should try out staying in the city in a bid to get used to things here. It’s a beautiful day here in Ottawa today – perfect for wandering and taking in the city.

I guess that’s it for now. Next week I’m working on the Ottawa morning show, again as an Associate Producer. I’ll let you know how that goes!

Happy Weekending, all!

hi all – Meredith here. I’m on the train, hurtling through some very beautiful scenery at the moment. Everything is lit with striking mid-fall, golden light which is quite lovely. I’ve spend most of this journey on my computer, catching up on the emails and various administrative odd-jobs I’ve been neglecting over the last couple of days.

I haven’t been ignoring it all on purpose. Honestly, I’ve been feeling so frazzled and unfocused that it’s been hard for me to turn my attention to anything important lately. I feel like all I’ve been doing it tidying my apartment in an endless loop, moving things from one pile to another, trying to figure out what to move, what to give away and what to leave behind.

For the next month I am going to be living a bit of a strange double life, dividing my time between Kingston and Ottawa. Though I start my job with the CBC tomorrow (they are having me start a day early so I can get oriented), I won’t be committing to an apartment in Ottawa until the beginning of December. Instead, I will be staying with friends in my new city while I continue to pay rent in Kingston (heading back on weekends to get loose ends tied up and to finish packing).

In some ways it still hasn’t hit me that I’m moving to Ottawa. I feel, instead, like I’ll be working in Ottawa, but still living in Kingston, jetting back and forth as if the two cities were not almost two hours away from one another.

Preparing to leaving Kingston has been tough. I know people complain about its size sometimes, but it really is a lovely place to live. I have enjoyed being so close to the lake and in a city that’s small enough that you can easily make friends at coffee shops, just because you see the same people there day after day.

Now that The Next Phase of my life is formally underway (I’m on the train that is whisking me to it), I am going to have to turn my attention back to all the tasks I’ve been neglecting in the lead up to my leaving. I’ve just spent almost this entire journey catching up on email, for example, and I still have a ways to go (if I owe you one, please accept my apologies…I’ll get back to you soon!).

Big changes are never easy for anyone, but I’ve been known for find them especially hard. I’m going to have to keep reminding myself to take things one day at a time, and to remember that my life in Kingston took me nearly two years to build!

By the time I post again I should have some sense of how work is going — stay tuned for updates…

Today I went for lunch with my supervisor, and we didn’t talk about my thesis project. Not at all. Not even once. We didn’t talk about the defence. We didn’t touch on my subject matter. Now that my M.A. is virtually in-hand (I guess, officially, it’s not in-hand until I get the diploma, which doesn’t happen for another few weeks) we were able to sit together at a table and talk, adult to adult, instead of supervisor to student.

It was nice!

I had a cheeseburger. She had fish and chips. And she bought (it was a celebratory meal, after all!) And the conversation was pleasant and the meal was nice. But we were able to chat without any of the weight of supervisory responsibility. We didn’t discuss what I was reading. We didn’t look at anything I’d written.

Instead we talked about life – relationships, work, kids – the stuff that people talk about when there is no grading-dynamic. It was, I suppose, the formal end of a chapter.

Next week, I start working at CBC Radio in Ottawa. I would by lying if I said I was feeling totally comfortable heading back into full-time, 9-to-5 work. After living a leisurely grad student life for the last couple of years (stressful at times, but my time has been, for the most part, my own), it’s going to be weird to return to sitting at a desk for a set number of designated hours every day.

I will be doing a job that may involve jetting out into the world to gather tape or to conduct an interview – but at the end of the day, there will be set hours and I will be expected to deliver work on a set schedule (ie. not doing work = nothing to air on the radio = bad news). It will be nice to be able to turn off my computer at 5:30pm, if I want to, and to go home and do things like read novels and chat with friends, rather than always feeling that “uh oh.. I’ve got stuff I SHOULD be doing.”

But I’ll be giving up stuff too. I won’t have time to meet friends for lunch or coffee on weekdays. I will have to wake up at a set hour in the morning in order to be at work by 9am, ready to go. I will, of course, get a pay check in exchange for my efforts — and that’s a nice thing.

So we’ll see how it goes. I am going to continue writing this blog for a little while longer. My convocation is set for November 15 and I plan to keep writing here until then. At that point, I’ll be turning things over to a new crop of writers (details to come).

Happy weekending, all — Until next week!

hi all -Meredith here.

Greetings from Guelph! I’m still on my baby-tour. I spent last night in Acton (yes, my friends have hear the “it’s worth the drive” jokes, all of ‘em) and am on my way to Kitchener where I will visit the newest baby in my roster — a one-month old. I was tooling my way along highway 7 which took me through Guelph. Since I had a little time between visits, I decided I’d park the car and go for a stroll. I’m in the nicest little cafe called the Red Brick Cafe. It seems pretty student-friendly.

After living in Kingston, it’s interesting hanging out in another university-town with a similar vibe/lots of similar-looking people kicking around. This city’s also got beautiful buildings, a vibrant downtown (stocked with university-student-friendly shopping opportunities) and lots of bars and internet-ready coffee shops).

I really am having quite the little holiday, I must say. I know there are things I should be writing/emails I should be sending/things I should be getting lined up for The Next Phase of my life, but I’m having too much fun. I’ve been doing lots of visiting, spending money as if I’m a normal adult with a salary (which I am not.. yet…but I have hope that it will happen!)

Saturday night I accomplished an amazing feat by getting all my high school pals together for a hangout session (something I have been trying, unsuccessfully, to plan for months now!). There were eight grown-ups, two kids and two babies which, let me tell you, is a hard thing to convince a restaurant to accommodate, especially if you haven’t made a reservation! We managed it, however, and it was such fun.

Sunday I kicked around Toronto, visiting people and generally enjoying the city on a beautiful day.

I’m getting a little antsy, however, when I think about all the stuff I SHOULD be doing right now. I’m using this road trip as a major procrastinatory tactic, I think!

Ok, I guess that’s it for now. For anyone taking part in fall convocation, I’d like to remind you that if you haven’t done it yet, you should definitely be renting your gown online. Up until November 3rd, it’ll only set you back $30 to book your attire online. If you do it the day of, it will cost $55. Here’s a link to the rental page:

http://www.queensu.ca/registrar/currentstudents/convocation/forgraduates/hoodandgownrentals.html

I guess that’s it for me for today. Enjoy the day, wherever you are!

hi all – Meredith here.

So I’m doing my best to shake off the post-degree (mild) malaise (I don’t want to sound like a whiner…it’s just that I have been feeling at loose ends since defending my Master’s last week!). I’ve been doing things like sorting through papers in my apartment and having lots of tea/coffee dates with friends I owed catch-up time.

And now, because I have the time, I am about to set off on a road trip for a few days. I’m going to rent a car and stop in to see friends in and around the Toronto area — Peterborough, Kitchener… you get the idea. I’m actually calling my adventure The Baby Circuit, since the main motivator is a chance to visit a whole whack of new babies born in the last year or so. I’ve been joking that I should fill my trunk up with generic baby gifts and toss them out like Santa Claus wherever I land. B

Being in my mid-thirties, there really has been a baby explosion of late — every time I turn around, someone is procreating. Not that I’m complaining! Not having kids of my own, I like having little rug-rats to hang out with when I decide to.

I’m looking forward to this little journey, though. I’ve been feeling a little anxiety lately — mostly around the big changes I’ve got coming up (moving to a new city, starting a new job). There’s always a lot of uncertainty around newness — and while that newness can be exciting when you’re in the right frame-of-mind, it can be hard to keep focused and to trust that it’s all going to be ok.

Hence the road trip.

I think the chance to be alone with my thoughts, the radio/my ipod and the open road (with the reward of baby-visiting at the end of each leg of the trip) will be a good way to keep myself distracted.

Not that I have nothing to do, exactly. I’ve got articles to write, along with a book proposal based on my thesis work (think I have the will to write that these days? heck, no). But really… in no time it’s going to be a lot harder to take off for five days of (somewhat spontaneous) friend-visiting. Plus, this trip will give me a good chance to check out fall’s spectacular colours as I make my way through Southern Ontario.

Whatever you get up to this weekend, I hope you have a lovely time. Don’t work too hard!

hi all – Meredith here.

Happy Monday to you all. Things are grey and blustery here today. The wind has been whipping things around like crazy. I’ve spent a good portion of the day inside, hunkering down with a novel (I woke up with some stomach upset which I am still feeling the effects of).

And it’s not because I spent the weekend partying it up in post-degree splendour. On the contrary: it was a pretty quiet weekend. I did a lot of reading, email-writing and general life-catch-up.

Actually, if I’m honest, I have to admit that the feeling I’ve been contending with all weekend has been melancholy, more than glee. It’s what they don’t tell you about when you’re in the middle of a big project: finishing can be anticlimactic. In fact, poking around the internet in preparation to write this, I actually found some good articles drawing a well-documented connection between finishing a degree and the onset of depression.

And in many ways, it makes perfect sense: even as unstructured as a graduate degree is, working on it gives purpose and meaning for a designated period of time. Even if you sometimes feel like you’re floundering while you’re in the middle of it, the very fact that you’re working on a degree gives you something to say when people ask “what do you do?” When you’ve finished, it’s like losing your grip on the divining rod that has pointed you in the right direction for the last couple of years.

This article, published a decade ago in the Guardian, sums it up well. Though it’s specifically about the experience of finishing up an undergraduate degree, I think there are many parallels to the grad school experience:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2001/feb/13/highereducation.news

Of course, transition periods are tough for the best of us — and when you’ve just finished a degree, that’s exactly where you find yourself: just finishing up one thing, uncertain about where you’re going next.

In my case, I have a vague sense (I’m moving to Ottawa where I will be returning to work in the media), but nothing is firmly nailed down yet. I don’t know exactly when I’ll be moving, or where exactly I’ll be living when I get there.

So I’ve been trying to treat myself gently these last few days. I have a few things I need to do, but I haven’t quite found the will to get started on any of them. I was all set to get some kind of routine going this morning, but then I found myself feeling decidedly unwell and let myself slack off instead.

So it goes.

I’m sure in time the next path will reveal itself — for now I’m just trying to take time to enjoy the novels and movies I’ve put on the back burner in the last little while. Sooner or later I will be busy again and I’ll be relishing this time.

hi all- Meredith here. Or should I say, Meredith Dault, M.A. (which is how a friend just greeted me when I ran into her on the street).

That’s right, people: it’s done. At 10am yesterday morning, my committee offered me a hearty congratulations, and I went on my way. There were odds and ends to complete (I had to add a paragraph to my final paper in order to clarify something) but essentially, I went out into the world knowing my degree was behind me.

What a strange feeling! After two years of persistent work, I can now proclaim that I have my Master’s degree!

As scary as it sounds, my defence wasn’t too terrible. For those of you not aware of the procedure, it goes something like this:

The committee asked me to leave the room while they decided my faith. After five (slightly nerve wracking minutes) minutes (I was lucky that someone had left a copy of Vanity Fair lying out in the room where I was waiting – I was able to distract myself with an article about William and Kate), the committee chair came to get me. “Don’t worry, it’s positive,” she said with a smile.

That definitely made it easier. I knew the rest of the process would be a formality. I would have to field (probably tough) questions, but I very likely wouldn’t fail.

The questions were tough but good — some of them asked pointedly about what I’d learned, or what had surprised me most about my research. Some asked for clarification, or demanded that I think more deeply about a particular issue. I don’t know that my answers were particularly brilliant, but I didn’t cry (I had been joking that I might) and I think I mostly held my own. I even learned some things: the committee made some good observations and recommendations which I think will help me in my future work with my subject matter.

After that discussion, the committee then asked me to leave the room again while they deliberated my fate for the last time. I was called back in to find that I needed to make a couple of minor additions to my paper, but that otherwise, it had all been approved.

People keep asking me how it feels to be done — and I’m finding that it’s a hard question to answer. In some ways, it feels sort of surreal to know that every aspect of getting my degree is behind me how, except for the bit where I show up in a gown and get my diploma. But because I still do a lot of freelance writing, and because I have work in Ottawa to go to, I don’t feel completely in-the-clear.

It’s an absolutely stunning afternoon here in Kingston, though — so I may celebrate my own achievement by taking myself for a walk or a bike ride this afternoon.

Thanks to everyone who helped me along the way as I worked towards this degree! I’m grateful to all of you. Yay!

hi all – Meredith here.

I hope you are embarking on the new work week refreshed and that you’ve got turkey sandwiches packed for your lunch today (I don’t, but then I spent the weekend elsewhere). I also hope that wherever you were this weekend, the weather was fabulous. On Saturday I was in Halifax, enjoying ocean breezes and 26C weather (I went for a walk with some friends at a place called Duncan’s Cove), and by Sunday afternoon I was back in Ottawa where I crashed a Thanksgiving dinner hosted by the friend-of-a-friend because VIA didn’t have any trains going back to Kingston that evening.

(Here, for your amusement, is a picture I snapped at Duncan’s Cove on Saturday):

I arrived back here in Kingston yesterday afternoon. A friend picked me up at the train station and promptly whisked me back to her place where she made us gin and tonics that we sipped by the lake. Then I crashed yet another thanksgiving dinner feast, which was unexpected and fun!

But hey- fun’s over. Why?

BECAUSE I AM DEFENDING MY THESIS THIS WEEK!

Whoa. As I’ve written before — anyone who has been following along for the last couple of years will probably be as surprised as I am that I’ve made it to this point. I’m not really sure what I should be doing to prepare. Those who have done this kind of thing before have assured me that I only need to know my material inside and out (which I suppose I do, after hanging out with it for the last year and a bit!) and get ready to “have a conversation” about my work and my research with my committee. Easy, right?

I’ve been joking that my biggest struggle (I feel like I’ve confessed this before – but heck, let’s do it again!) is going to be to not cry. I’m a little worried about bursting into tears due to a serious case of imposter syndrome (ie. not feeling I am a worthy academic). I’m also going to be mindful not to go into the session saying sheepish things about how I probably haven’t done enough reading/writing/research/thinking to really merit this degree.

Nope, instead I am going to channel my inner confident-person and go into the defence full of enthusiasm and vigour (even if it IS at 8:30am on Thursday morning!).

whew! It’s still a little daunting, but I’m sure it’s going to be ok (I met someone in Halifax last week who told me that she cried during her defence, and she still passed!). I’ll write again on Friday to let you all know how it goes…