Instagram post - Internalized ableism

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WHAT IS INTERNALIZED ABLEISM?

Internalized ableism can look like many different things

“sometimes it comes from wanting to seem ‘normal,’ so we reject whatever society deems as being associated with disability”
“Internalized ableism occurs when a disabled person believes that they are less worthy due to their disability and act accordingly.”
“From disproportionate feelings of being a burden to self-hatred to assuming personal incompetence in areas of your life not associated with the limits of your condition, many people with disabilities suffer from internalized ableism.”

[image description] woman crossed armed with hand to face looking questioningly, man with arms crossed looking puzzled

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What Does Internalized Ableism Look/Feel Like (1/3)?

Feeling like you don’t “fit in” to the idea of what I disability is
“As someone with a mild physical disability and mental illness, I don’t feel like I could have any sort of disability because I don’t fit the ‘part’ that society has taught us for what disability should look like.”
Feeling like a burden
“There are times where I believe I will not be an integral part of society, that I will forever be dependent on those around me and for that, I am a burden.”
Feeling like you’re imagining an illness, even though you know you’re not
“I have an extremely rare and unusual disease that is hard for people to wrap their minds around, for which I’m constantly being accused of lying or exaggerating about.”

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What Does Internalized Ableism Look/Feel Like (2/3)?

Internalizing the inappropriate things people say
Internalizing other people’s reactions
“Sometimes I’m embarrassed to touch someone (shake hands, etc.) with my curled up fingers. Especially when I see them suppress or cringe.”
Feeling like you don’t deserve accommodations
“Not being visually the profile expected for [accessible] parking spaces. That they are only for the elderly/mobility aid users…ableist sideways glances never fail to disappoint.”
“Not feeling I can ask for support because I’m not ‘sick enough’”

[image description] man standing with head down looking defeated.

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What Does Internalized Ableism Look/Feel Like (3/3)?

Having low expectations of yourself
“Disabled people frequently face the assumption that success/value and disability are mutually exclusive. We often deal with ‘low expectations’ or feel we have to lower our standards. I begin to feel like I am worthless or useless because it seems that is what people expect of me.”
Feeling like you have to prove you’re disabled
“I feel like I have to use my wheelchair all the time to prove that I am disabled. Just because I can walk a little doesn’t mean that I am healed.”

[image description] woman sitting cross-legged, head down with hand.

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How to Work Against Internalized Ableism?

Do not let diagnosis define identity or actions
Acknowledging physical, mental, and emotional limitations, and acknowledging how permanent or impermanent each of them are
My actions are mine and I need to take full responsibility for how they affect others
Empathy and compassion are important skills to nourish, and every interaction with others is an opportunity to nurture these skills
I deserve respect and would not intentionally disrespect others
My symptoms are outside of my control, and so I need to plan for them, and where appropriate take responsibility for their potential effects.
Where a permanent disability is a part of your life, do not allow your progress in life to be defined by unattainable goals such as ‘overcoming’ or ‘defeating.’ While a disability doesn’t need to define you, it is important to understand that it is a part of your overall identity. “It isn’t an enemy outside of me at all – it’s a part of who I am. A part of me that I need to make peace with, a part o befriend and manage, rather than a foreign body that is trying to force me to fail.”

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How can you (as an individual) move beyond your own internalized ableism?

By accepting that your condition(s) create(s) real limitation
By recognizing that you still can do many things despite those limitations
By allowing yourself healing time – to recognize and grieve the losses your condition is associated with
By choosing to find the positives in your life and focusing on what you can do, rather than what you can’t
By actively choosing to befriend your own condition and to evaluate your own capabilities, rather than let society tell you what you can and cannot do.

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Here are some tips that Katie has shared on her blog “Weird Sensitive Creatures”
Remember that your worth is inherent because you exist
Relentlessly believe in your worth…especially when you don’t feel it
Surround yourself with other in your disability community
Learn to view every moment of perceived inadequacy as an opportunity to smash internalized ableism
Stop holding yourself to unrealistic expectations
Remember that it’s not lazy or selfish to need more rest and accommodations
Consider sharing your story with others

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Here are some tips shared by Rea Strawhill on her blog

[image description] man wearing suit and tie, smiling, looking happy giving the ‘okay’ gesture with hand and fingers.

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How to Be an Ally Against Internalized Ableism?

Taking accountability for actions and words that affect those around you and working to reflect on and change those actions and words
Getting to know the person behind the disability – hobbies, talents, skills, goals, dislikes, etc.
Finding activities to engage in with disabled friends that allow everybody to be included equally
Listening and believing individual challenges rather than assuming the person is being overly dramatic
Compliments go a long way – but be genuine!

References