The Intersections of philanthropy and queerness

By Bobbie O’Connor, Senior Advisor, Strategic Initiatives and Operations, Development 

Before I knew my career would unexpectedly take me away from Queen’s and on to a new challenge at the University of North Carolina, I had this stirring to share with you, my colleagues and community, how my pride as a trans-queer person has guided my career in philanthropy and change-management. 

Often cis-gender beings understand transness as a mental battle, a fight between a mismatched vessel and being. And while that can be one dimension, in my experience it extends much further. 

Transness is not beings that are missing pieces and parts. Just the opposite, in fact. I know all my parts and pieces (even the ones I wouldn’t mind divorcing, haha) as intimately as you know yours. In my experience, however, there are pieces that, for some mysterious reason, I can’t seem to control, and you can't seem to see. 

I see them. At times, I even feel them. They are flesh-and-bone parts that, as surely as the life beating in my veins, exist somewhere in this universe. But to my frustration, they don’t appear or engage the way we medically understand the body. When I try to engage some of these parts, they act as phantom limbs, felt but not tangible. At times, they are even unresponsive to my will. 

But that reality does not define my transness. It extends further than those mysterious and stubborn parts. It is an intrinsic sense of knowing, despite what can be seen, that I am something counter to what society has cast me as. It wasn’t an influence, a context, a trauma, a transition, or a learning. (In fact, for me it was often an unlearning.) I have always been just as I am today, Queer. 

My transition wasn’t a change in or to me. Instead, it was and is continuing to discover a language and paths that build bridges between who I am and where and how society demands I exist. My transness isn’t about this body or society’s perceived shift from one binary to another. It is about my confidence that, despite what is seen, said, or believed by society, I am exactly as I should be. It's about grounding myself in the truth that my gender and the spirit encompassing it is just as real and sustaining as our reliance on the air we breathe or, for some, the religious deities we praise. 

And it is in this truth that my career in philanthropy has been strengthened. There were three foundational lessons I learned during my transition into health and wholeness: 

• Curiosity opens hidden doors, through which truths and opportunities are illuminated. 
• Common languages may begin with visionaries and translators but are shaped and sustained by believers.
• The path forward is built by bridges and seekers brave enough to walk across them.

As much as I wish these three lessons were unshakable pillars, I’m human – and so very little is unshakable, haha. They are, however, the most valuable pair of corrective lenses I’ve ever been prescribed. Most days I remember to wear them and, like all glasses, they provide clarity to a world that can otherwise feel more like a foggy impressionist painting. 

In my career, these glasses have helped me learn how to ask questions. Whether I’m with stakeholders or internal partners, the power of “I wonder why” and “what if” often leads to possibilities and alignments otherwise unknown. Curiosity drives questions, questions foster connection, and connection delivers possibilities. 

These glasses also underscore the intersection of philanthropy and the work of visionaries and translators. As a philanthropic change-agent, I apply my curiosity to find those who believe in the incredible horizons we work towards. I help believers understand how their resources will help shape and propel the vision into reality.

Then, I invite those believers to contribute their resources, and join us in building the bridge and walking across it. And then when we reach our destination, I help everyone celebrate the impact our teamwork, courage, and investment has had in making our community a more beautiful, inclusive, healthy place. 

For this and many other reasons, the month of Pride has become a high holiday for my community. Like many faith traditions, it is an annual tradition where we can come together with our chosen family and celebrate who we are and how we contribute to a better world. It is a time for reflection – to be reminded of our inherent dignity, and to honour and remember the trailblazers who have dedicated their lives and sacrificed their bodies to plead for our existence. It is a time to regroup, organize, and invest in our resilience as we look to the future and the continued fight for our human rights.

You see, my transness doesn’t define me. It isn’t someone I’ve become, or something endured. Rather, it is what carries me. It is a gift, an honour … a point of privilege and pride. And I pity those who can’t see or celebrate the beauty of my transness.

Although my journey with you at Queen’s has ended (at least for now 🙂), consider this invitation my parting gift to you: Join me in striving to lead with curiosity, investing in a better, more equitable and inclusive world, and contributing your resources, talents, and time not just to building bridges – but, more importantly, to dancing across them. 

It has been a pleasure, my friends. I have valued what we’ve dreamt and built together these past two years. Thank you for making this a safe place to grow, learn, challenge, and be challenged. 

In peace and hope, 

Bobbie

Employee spotlight

The Employee Spotlight celebrates the arrival of our new and existing staff by profiling responses they share through a fun and informal survey that will help us get to know them better. Be sure to review these profiles and use these fun facts and tidbits to find commonalities, embrace differences, and spark a conversation. 

This week, we spotlight Donor Relations Officer, Communications and Engagement, Tom Harrison. Learn more about the song you’d find him singing on karaoke night!

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